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Friday, Dec. 09, 2022 - 11:33

When I'm alone, I ball up and cry. I'm tired of having thoughts. I'm tired of not eating what I want so I can lose weight, but I just always seem to plateau. I don't know why I even weigh myself, it's not even motivating. I finally reached 137 in 2018, and now I'm 168. I have been up to 187 (the beginning of last year), and I had a complete conniption. Shortly after, I got on hypothyroid meds and promptly lost 10 pounds. I always seem to immediately lose 10 pounds in any weight loss plan, and then I slowllyyyyy lose weight. Last year, I successfully hit 160, so I'm not sure what the hold up is this time. I was 180 in early October, and I got down to 168 after a month. So I've fluctuated between 168 and 173 for a whole other month. I'm hoping so much to see 160 by the end of January. I strongly doubt I'll see 140 by the end of March like I'd hoped. Unless I starve myself and exercise like crazy. Which still doesn't always work with my thyroid and testosterone (lack of) issues. Adrenal fatigue, too. The weather is too nasty and I don't like going to the gym by myself. I desperately need to find the motivation to go, though. Chrissy never follows through with meeting me regularly. Maybe I truly can't treat myself while counting my calories, seems to always put me back a couple of pounds, and then I have to start over. With the cancer diagnosis, it's definitely motivating to eat better and exercise. I just need to pull myself out of this depression. I need a therapist, for sure. For sure for sure for sure.


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